oh, kids





    'Jesus died for everyone but you.' -straight faced 9 year old.
    "Dad why are you buying beer? Do you know how much candy we can get for that money?!"

    "My little sister (age 4) wrote a song, keeping it secret for weeks. Finally at a family party, she decided now was the time to unveil it. So she gets up in front of 20-25 relatives and sings, "Once there was a horse, and it fell of a cliff!""

    "I was in my late teens and my little cousin was 9 or 10. As a homework assignment, she had to write a poem about nature. She was getting frustrated and I told her "Try to write a poem about nature without using the word 'nature.'" The first line of her poem: "The N-Word is very beautiful.""

    "I see a 4 year old with shoes on the wrong feet.Me: I think your shoes are on the wrong feet
    Him: .........
    Me.........
    Him: I don't have any other feet
    You got me there kid"
    'How old were you when you were little?' - My brother aged 4
    Me and my mom ran outside one day after hearing the ice-cream truck, only to just miss him. The neighbor kid, about 4 or 5, had also missed him. He turned toward the fleeting truck, and while shaking his fist screamed, "Screw you ice cream man!"
    "Well MY favorite color is glitter."
    Many years ago... While shopping at the grocery store, my 4 year old brother asks our mom to buy him a toy. She says no and he begins to hang his head, moping.
    A few minutes later, she tries to snap him out of it but he persists. She asks him why he is so sad. He sullenly replies, "I'm just so goddamn depressed".
    My cousin's kids are full of them. A few weeks ago his five-year-old came into the living room to say goodnight. As the kid turned to leave, he farted, looked back over his shoulder, said "...and there's your kiss," and walked out of the room.
    My 5 year old daughter: "Dad are there skeleton bones inside me?" Me: "why yes, Honey there are" Her: "Ahhh! GET THEM OUT!! GET THEM OUT!!"
    I've been told I said this at a young age, no more than 3 or 4, but it apparently made most of the people around me at the time laugh an awful lot. 
    When I was little, I was obsessed with trains. Hell, I loved them. And one day, I was at the train station, going to York for the day, if my memory serves. And a train came past, it was a Virgin train. So, being the innocent child I was, I shouted out; "Oh! It's a Virgin! You don't see many of them in Durham!"
    BRB DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA